Kicking Axe and Taking Gnomes by Steve Thomas

Author:Steve Thomas [Thomas, Steve]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-09-01T22:00:00+00:00

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The town was far off the path, hidden by trees and carved into the side of the mountain. Its gate was stone with a coating of drying vines and shrubbery tacked on. Even Klondaeg’s keen monster hunter senses would have overlooked the entryway if not for his guide.

“No point in trying to tear that gate down,” said Klondaeg from behind a tree uphill of the entryway. He stretched his arms in preparation for tearing down the gate. Klondaeg had trouble with the concept of “insurmountable.” He’d only ever heard the word used in boasts.

Before he could dive down at the gate, kill the gatekeeper, cut the chains, and smash the hinges, the gate creaked open. It was barely open, but for a gate this size, “barely open” meant three men could walk abreast through it. His infiltration had just become trivial.

He grabbed onto a nearby tree trunk and planned his route downward. Jumping seemed like a bad plan in his condition, and he wasn’t fond of sliding down the dirt hill, either. Too many opportunities to sprain the other ankle.

“I wouldn’t go down there, if I were you,” said Smito.

“If you were me, you’d see things differently.”

“And I’d be blind to the archers.” Smito pointed at the treetops. “They’ve been watching us this whole time.”

Klondaeg peered up. The trees were indeed full of monsters. On one, a man-sized porcupine readied a volley of quills. Atop another, a bear with the head of a cobra salivated venom. Rat-like kobold archers abounded, and basilisks were prepared to open their eyes at any moment. Klondaeg could certainly attack, and would certainly kill most of these monsters, but even he might not survive such a battle. He’d have to chop down all the trees while dodging a barrage of deadly projectiles and still find time to hack apart the monsters he felled. Smito was right. He shouldn’t attack. Yet.

Klondaeg watched as three figures strolled safely through the gate. “Can’t attack while the gate is open. They’re paying too much attention.”

“Right,” said Smito. “The gate is too heavily guarded. We’ll have to find an alternate path.”

“I plan on cutting down these trees to get at the monsters anyway, as soon as they lower their guard. Maybe we could build a ladder and climb right over.”

“What good will a ladder do against all these monsters?”

“They’ll all be dead by then.”

Smito groaned. “Klondaeg, be reasonable. You can’t kill them all. We need a better strategy.”

Klondaeg nodded his head and ran a hand through his beard. It stopped halfway down, caught in the tangles. “Of course! Brilliant suggestion. We’ll wait until nightfall, when the guards are half asleep and—”

“No, we need another entrance.”

“So we’re back to the ladder idea? I thought you didn’t like it.”

“Very indecisive species, Elves,” said Dexter.

Smito said, “This town is an old Goblin fortress. My father fought at these gates a thousand years ago. He said there’s a cave that leads inside.”

Klondaeg eyed the Elf suspiciously. He pursed his lips in thought and struggled to free his finger from the eternal snarl of his beard.

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